Using Shadow Work to Live in Alignment
We do not manifest from our thoughts; we manifest from our subconscious mind
– Lacy Phillips
I know Lacy Phillips was not the first one to come up with that quote, but she made a career teaching people how to deepen the understanding of that quote. Which is what brings me today here, to write about what is shadow and share with you several exercises on using shadow work to live in alignment.
Why? To live a life that is aligned to our authentic self, we must peel the layers that are covering it. We must lovingly face the shadow aspects that are keeping us from moving forward to true happiness and creating our most aligned life.
What is Shadow?
The term “Shadow” was popularized by renowned psychologist Carl Jung, and in very simple terms the Shadow is our suppressed personality. If you’re struggling to understand why you behave in certain ways, then it’s possible that you’ve suppressed parts of yourself that you feel uncomfortable with.
The Shadow is Your Unconscious Mind
The shadow exists in the subconscious, and depending on how you were raised, this shadow can be very challenging for you in your later years. The shadow contains deep-seated beliefs, thoughts, emotions, desires, and intentions.
When you’re a child, you don’t fully understand your experiences. Something that may not seem out of the ordinary as an adult can seem catastrophic as a child. This is why many people have such strong shadows, because as children when their subconscious mind was forming, they had to navigate life without a true understanding of the world around them, influenced by parents, caretakers, surrounding people and society.
For Example, when I was a little girl, I was extremely creative, I loved art, music, dancing, speaking, teaching and always wanted a career as a performer or something that allowed me to reach many people. My parents were not too fond of that, and always told me I would starve, that creativity or passion does not make a career, that I will not be taken serious if I pursue what I loved.
As I grew older, these patterns in my shadow created experiences based on those beliefs: low self-worth, not believing in myself, my talents, or my capabilities, afraid of shining my light too bright, fearing I was not going to be accepted or get the respect from peers or society.
It was not my parent’s fault; they were only projecting what probably was projected to them: a limited mindset. Nowadays, we have evolved into a higher consciousness and have resources that can help better ourselves, the lives of our children and be more accepting and inclusive.
I have done my part in working with this shadow aspect and as a result: this Blog came alive, and I became a Master Spiritual & Neural Coach. Better late than never, right? And although I am still working other shadow aspects, I am allowing myself to step into the light, conquer the fear and keep moving forward, one day at a time.
How Your Inner Shadow Affects You
The realization of how important is to know your shadow aspects is one of the most meaningful moments in your life. The relationship between your subconscious mind and the shadow aspect means that every experience you have will be a reflection of your shadow. As you move through life, all your relationships, experiences, jobs, successes, and failures will reflect your internal shadow and what its beliefs are to be true for you.
Ergo the quote above: We don’t manifest from our thoughts; we manifest from our subconscious.
Until we do the work of peeling the layers, we will be stuck in experiences created through patterns due to our core belief system. Once we work on our shadow aspects and clear the old programming, we can use this process to empower us and live authentically. This then allow for our authentic self to come out and create an aligned life.
Side note: We can reprogram our thoughts through Neuroplasticity.
How to Start Shadow Work
When you learn to face yourself, even your shadows, you’re able to bring awareness into who you truly are. Shadow work therefore is how you make the unconscious, conscious.
Shadow work will lead you to resurfacing and discovering limiting beliefs and unhealthy habits. If this is a challenge for you, I recommend seeking professional help.
Spotting Your Shadow
This is the part where you grab a journal and start doing the work. Here are several ways to spot your shadow. I recommend you to be mindful this week in your behaviors and interactions and find where do you spot your shadow.
- Triggers: Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Watch our when you project, criticize, envy or judge others, that means you have shadow work to do in that area.
- Victimhood: If we feel victimized by something, we tend to believe that there was nothing we could have done to prevent it. So, instead of owning up to our part in creating the situation, we give up and blame someone else.
- Superiority: Thinking you are better than other people is another example of how our shadow selves show up in our lives.
- Unhealthy Relationships: Most of us are not aware that we’ve been replaying the same unconscious roles from childhood. For example, if your mother had a bad habit of criticizing you, then you might unconsciously repeat the same behavior toward your partner or seek out a partner who also treats you in this way.
Journal Prompts to Discover Your Shadow Self
- What aspects of your life do you feel shame or embarrassment about? Why is that? Dig deeper.
- Are there any patterns or behaviors that you keep repeating even though they hurt you or those around you? Why do you think that is?
- Is there a past version of yourself that you hope no one ever sees? Who are they?
- Do you in life usually feel less than people? Better than? Equal to others? Expand on this. Think about your childhood and how you were conditioned.
- What is the worst emotion someone could bring out of you? For example, anger, jealousy, and rage. Look deep into this and find where/who in childhood did you pick that from?
- What parts of yourself do you reject or criticize? Why? Were you criticized and shamed about that?
- How would your life be different if you could embrace all aspects of yourself – the light and the dark?
Reprograming
In order to create new neural pathways that will help us in embracing and integrating our shadow self, we must take time alone. I recommend either meditating or journaling. We must revisit the time when we were conditioned, shamed, criticized or felt pain and ask our inner child what he or she needed at that moment. Visualization through meditation is key.
Maybe our child needed a hug, to do things his/her way, a word of comfort, reassurance, unconditional love. We then can appear as our higher-self giving our inner child what he/she needs. We are basically reparenting our inner child by being the parent/caregiver they needed. The actual reprogramming happens when you show your subconscious mind an alternative, higher self-worth belief or outcome. You will have to make sure that everytime you feel trigger and know that your inner child is having a “fit”, you make her/him feel safe.
Forgiveness
Another way to embrace and integrate the shadow self is through forgiveness. This process although hard is necessary to maintain control over your emotions and your life in general. The main idea is also to establish what your inner child needed at the time of the pain, shame, criticism, or conditioning and forgiving the person who did that to you. You can write a forgiveness letter to find inner peace.
Take Away
In order to align with our highest and best self and create the live we want to live, shadow work is of upmost importance. Some of our greatest lessons will come from looking at that part we hide, integrating it and accepting it with love and compassion.
Want to learn more about how to live in Alignment? I recommend reading my post: The Uncomfortable Journey to Alignment.
With Love,
M 💋
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